A while ago, I wrote about something called the Hedonic Assymetry — one of Frijda’s Laws of Emotion which basically had a very sad outcome — one that says that Humans can never be happy since eventually they always want more, always want a change.

Recently, I’ve been making it a point of going out clubbing in San Francisco every weekend. Not because I like clubbing — honestly, I like it maybe only 30% of the time that I go. I’ve also noticed that my pool of single friends is significantly dwindling. I guess that is purely a function of age. It’s amazing as to how many of my friends are now couples. Some are married, some have just been together long enough that you treat them like they’re maried. To me there is no difference between the two since marriage is just a silly formality perpetuted by society. I personally would be very happy to see gay marriage be legalized in the US since for me it would make the definition of marriage more legal and practical and less “oo-la-la” as it is today.

Anyhow, what I started to write about was that I’ve actually gone clubbing/drinking with some coupled friends of mine — and invariably they say that you are so lucky to be single. And I invariably tell them that they are wrong — well, not wrong but there are positives and negatives to both.

But most of my coupled friends always talk about the ‘thrill of the hunt’ in not so many words — that there are so many beautiful women out there in the land of the single folks. Having been single for a while I can look at if from the perspective of the single person as well and say that yeah, there may be a lot of opportunity, but it’s also incredibly stressful and often frustrating. Yes, sometimes it’s fun too, but it’s certainly no absolute that the state of single-dom is better than the state of couple-dom.

I guess the whole discussion just reminds me of the hedonic asymmetry yet again that humans are never happy in whatever state they are — they alwas crave something different. True, but somehwat sad.

I gave up watching TV about a year and half ago now. At the time I used to sleep with the TV on most of the night. The drone of Jay Leno and the utterly annoying cackle of Conan O’brien would be the last thing I heard while I dozed into a stupor, only to awake at some point in the middle of the night or early morning to turn the TV off. Certainly not the way I’d like to fall asleep, but hey, it was how it was for a while since the TV was the only source of faking life in my environment.

The reason I gave up TV was because I told myself that this was unhealthy and I should start forcing myself to go out more. So one fine day when I returned from a trip home to find that my TV have been conveniently relocated to the office in my absence for use with the video-conferencing unit, I was relieved in a way. My co-workers had helped me take the first step in something I was contemplating, but hadn’t done yet.

I successfully spent the next several months — till last month in fact without watching TV (except for a couple of days of CNN at the time of the Columbia disaster). But then I finally gave in and decided to go buy an antenna so I can re-educate myself on the pop-culture that is telivision — it’s off to hear people talking about shows that I have never heard of, let alone spent any time watching.

So now, a couple of weeks later, I’m surprised at what happened to TV in the past year and half. Every show on TV is some twist on a reality show or a game show or some combination of the two. Whether it is Last Comic Standing, American Junior, Fear Factor (and those are just the names I remember… I don’t even remember the ones for the various shows with guys trying to pick out girls and vice versa or the reality version of homicide), every show on TV sems to have the same theme — reality TV meets gameshow.

What’s really happening here? Our lives are enough of a competition anyway. For everything. For every little thing. And yes, I — a otherwise highly competitive person — am getting a little sick of it all. TV used to be a refuge — a refuge from reality. Where things were funny, made up and just for laughs. Now, the laughs come from watching one group of people gang up on and be nasty towards others. Competition has gone from being healthy competition to being humiliation. Do we really get our kicks from humiliation?

And the whole obsession with Reality TV — pioneered by MTV but now so omnipresent that you cannot escape it. Get with the program folks — it is NOT freaking REAL. It is still “made up” and directed. The rules are contrived to make people fight with each other and to create explosive situation, because that is what sells. It is not real. And what you see is the edited version so that it is hot, spicy and exciting. It is fake. It is worse than fake — because it’s brought to you under the garb of being real.

I don’t know about you, but I certainly want a break from the competition, a break from the facades and a break from the fake-reality. I guess I just want the real fake.

I received the following profile survey from a friend of mine (Paul H.) in June 2001. They sat in my mailbox for 2 years and then I finally responded to them just for fun. Here are the responses.

1. LIVING ARRANGEMENT?

Single. One-Bedroom Cottage.

2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?

None recently. But I’d like to believe I’m reading G.E.B. (Godel, Escher Bach) since it’s a book I’ve wanted to read for a long time, but never quite made it further than the foreword yet!

3. WHAT’S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?

Umm… nothing, just a concentric pattern. The one at my office was more fun. It said: Size does matter.

4. FAVORITE BOARD GAME?

Life — I think that’s what it was called. Played it when I was a kid. It was something where you had to choose a certain number of points for Happiness, Fame and Fortune and the objective was to get to that number of points as you play the game. Only played it once when I was maybe 6 or 7, but I still remember it. Anyone know what it was really called or where I can get it.

5. FAVORITE MAGAZINE?

Umm… Don’t really read any. But if I had to pick one I would say Business 2.0 and Inc.

6a. FAVORITE SMELLS?

Sweet perfume on a gorgeous woman or Hot Chocolate Souffle baking.

6b. LEAST FAVORITE SMELLS?

Seafood or really smelly seafood.

7. FAVORITE SOUND?

Running water (in a stream, not a tap!)

8. WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD?

Being cheated (in more than one context)

9. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING?

What do I have to do for the day or did I oversleep already!?

10. FAVORITE COLOR?

Used to be black, but now I think it is green.

11. HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE?

Depends who is calling. Sometimes I don’t answer it at all. Caller id rocks.

12. FUTURE Child’s NAME?

Don’t need one since I don’t plan on having any “future child” as yet. Maybe later. But I’ll take it as my future dog’s name and it will most likely be ‘pi’ (3.14159)

13. WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT IN LIFE?

Personal happiness from being rational.

14. FAVORITE FOODS?

Chocolate (good chocolate.. not Hershey’s… Hershey’s sucks. Lindt, Godiva or Swiss chocolate)

15. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?

duh… chocolate.

16. DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST?

Yes, but that rational side of me says that it’s not worth the risk of getting a ticket or getting points on my license. The safety side is not as much of a risk as the ticket since that is something that depends on your skill as a driver.

17. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL?

Do I look that prissy to you? 😉 (hello, no)

18. STORMS – COOL OR SCARY?

Both. But more cool than scary.

19. WHAT TYPE WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?

A 1988 Toyota Corolla

20. MEET ONE PERSON DEAD OR ALIVE?

Richard Feynman — to be able to judge for myself if he was really as cool as his books make him sound. I doubt it.

21. FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK?

Kiwi Margaritas.

22. WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN?

Are you kidding? Zodiacs are for people who don’t know any better.

23. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI?

Hell no.

24. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED WHAT WOULD IT BE?

I have it. Because I don’t have jobs. I make jobs.

25. IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR WHAT WOULD IT BE?

hmm… been thinking about this one. I might try something crazy just to shock people. But otherwise, I wouldn’t dye my hair at all.

26. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE?

Yes.

27. IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL?

Both or Neither. Anyone who says empty or full isn’t considering both options. And anyone who doesn’t say Both or Neither isn’t considering all perspctives.

28. FAVORITE MOVIES: The Usual Suspects, The Shawshank Redepmtion, Beethoven

29. DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS? Nope

30. WHAT’S UNDER YOUR BED? Nothing.

31. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? 2 – the smallest prime

32. FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH? none

33. SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU: ha ha…

34. FROM THE PEOPLE YOU EMAILED THIS TO-WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?. None. Because I don’t forward chain mails.

35. FROM THE PEOPLE YOU EMAILED THIS TO-WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? None. Because I don’t forwrd chain mails.

36. WHY DID YOU FILL THIS OUT? I was bored while sitting at the car dealership getting my car serviced, plus the email had been sitting in my inbox way too long.

37. IF YOU COULD BE ONE FRUIT, ONE ANIMAL, AND ONE POSSESSION OF YOURS, WHAT

WOULD YOU BE (one answer for each)? A Kiwi (it’s roungh ont he outside, soft andbeautiful on the inside), A dog (that one’s easy), My computer (it can’t think, but it is most logical — it’s that an oxymoron)

Some time ago, I wrote about dreams – about how it is my belief that dreams are nothing more than a rambling of thoughts in a fairly unconnected and meaningless manner. Recently, however, I was introduced to the concept of “lucid dreaming” — or when you consciously know that you are dreaming. Lucid dreaming can be very interesting from the point of view that you can control your experience in the dream. I think of it as — dreams are still meaningless mind-chatter, but if you have a little conscious choreography, you essentially can make the randomness simulate an experience you may want to have. Interesting.

Of course i didn’t wake up this morning thinking about lucid dreaming. But I did wake up because I was having a dream that seemed too good to be true. It was kind of like waking up from a nightmare, except it was the exact oppostite of a nightmare, something that was so good that consciously or sub-consciously I was incredulous. Though the content of the dream remains something that I would not share on here, I do hope that even though I haven’t committed it to writing it is something that I remember.

The theme however was interesting. I have very few regrets. I try to keep things that way. But I do have one or two. One which goes back as far as being in tenth grade in high school — where I should have responded to a little note. But in this dream, I was basically correcting that regret. In fact it wasn’t me who was correcting it. The protagonist was someone else, but the end result was that it was reversing the result of my inaction and leading to an end result which was exactly how I would have wished, or rather I did wish. May be I still do. Either way, it was by far one of the most memorable dreaming experiences — still random, still meaningless mind-chatter, but a scintillating virtual memory of what could have been.

N.U.: “And were you ever going to tell me this?”

It’s been a couple of weeks now that the sneaker.org server died yet again. I finally brought the site up by moving to a new box (Thanks to Tim for putting up with my zaniness and building a new box and putting it up on the net for me to configure remotely!) Some things like comments are still not working, but honesly I havent had the motivation to look into it yet. If you hadn’t noticed, the site has been languishing from time to time. This is because I am still and probably always will be figting over what I can and cannot share in this public medium. Contrary to the perception you would garner from this website, I am a rather private person and keep things to myself and everytime I think about blogging about something I wonder what the impact of it would be. Or how peple will interpret it. And I land up not writing a lot of things. Things which would have otherwise been quite cathartic.

So recently, I have been wondering if it is time for sneaker.org to go dark or at least is it time for it to turn ‘for my eyes only’. What do you think? (Oh and since comments aren’t working — email me.