Kudos to karenika, gigglechick.com and all the other bloggers out there who have the guts to post all kinds of personal stuff on this public medium. They are definitely stronger than I. I can learn from them. The have the guts to stand out here and say what they really think. And also to relate it to personal life. I’d like to do the same. But everytime I sit down to write this, i keep thinking of all the freaking complications involved in me doing what I think. It becomes worse when someone I *know* tells me that they read what I wrote!! Don’t get me wrong, I love the feedback! I love knowing that people actually read some of this crap…. but when it’s someone who knows me really well, then that gets scary… because even those people who know me well, will be surprised by some of the stuff I write on here. Because this is not stuff I discuss even with them.

I guess I’ll describe it as the Heisenberg Principle for Blogging (I’m reading a book titles Physics and Philosophy by the famous physicist Werner Heisenberg these days, so…) i.e. “Once the blogger knows that the blog is being read, then it begins to influence what the blogger blogs” 🙂 I guess what I really mean is that knowing that people who know me (personally and professionally) have seen the stuff that I write on here, brings back the dreaded ambivalence that resulted in sneaker.org going down in the first place. Because then I start worrying about what people think, what will they react to. The security of the public anonymity (wow, isn’t that a twisted concept…) fades away.

When I made the decision to put this site back up, I had to fight to figure out how much information I should really put up here. The information is out there. And information is what matters. Information may soon be the only thing that matters. But that doesn’t mean that information about me matters. So I should really be able to put stuff up, and use the wonderful title of a book I read many many years ago… “What do you care what other people think?” by Richard Feynman. I’ve always cared what other people think even though I may try not to make it look so… so now the effort is to try not to worry about what other people think.

But, everytime I sit down to write on here, I always land up making the entries intentionally vague. Vague so that even the people who the entries relate to (honestly they almost always relate to people and events) would have a tough time knowing if that’s really what I’m writing about. The security of public anonymity is supplanted by the security of unrecognizability and vagueness. I guess that’s good in a way. Allows me to maintain face and not give away everything! 🙂

I guess the coolest way to end this entry is with a question: Would Anais Nin Blog? 😉

Some of the biggest screw-ups that I’ve come across to date always seem to have their roots in mis-communication or lack of communication. “Words are at best a poor excuse for communication” – very true. And in fact, even my attempt to write something about this on here is probably not going to be successful in communication what I am really thinking (well, part of that is for a difference reason, see the upcoming blog on Vagueness and Continued Ambivalence).

People just cannot seems to be honest and tell others what they really think. There is always a facade to maintain. Always some scheming in the background. What it results in is a lack of understanding. A lack of clear expectations. When person A expects something else, because person B just didn’t have the balls to come out and say what they really want to say or vice versa. And as it was said in one of the quotes I have in the old quotes blog somewhere… expectation is the first step to disappointment. Mis-matched expectations is what causes people to get pissed. It’s what causes people to be diappointed. To be hurt. To be pissed-off and angry.

I definitely maintain that I would be happier knowing than not knowing. I’d rather know what the fuckups are. What the problems are. What the expectations are. If I know, then what actions need to be taken can be a educated decision. And yes sometimes knowing can be worse… but that is a decision for the individual to make. Whether or not they want to know. It is wrong for anyone to make that decision for another.

So, as I said in quotes today… People confuse me. Really. They do. But I guess the non-predictable nature of humans is what makes us fascinating as well…