About four and a half years ago (note to self: yes, it’s been that long) I remember having a conversation, in which I use the analogy of an onion. At the time, I was referring to a specic person. Saying that that person is like an onion, because there were just so many protective layers built-up around the inner-self that it made it hard to even get to the real person inside, until one slowly and carefully peeled back each layer to finally establish a personal connection and a level of initmacy and trust. (I used the analogy of the onion since peeling back the layers may often have the same affect of cutting an onion — producing tears)

Recently, I’ve been thinking about how that analogy of the onion may not just be specific to a person but applicable to people in general, Because every single one of us seems to develop a new protective layer, a shell, a shield as we mature. A shield which protects us from things that we feel can hurt us. We build a wall around ourselves based on the fear of getting hurt. For some that wall develops faster, stronger and taller than for others. But for each person, our life experiences cause us to immunize ourselves in a way to protet ourselves from hurt. Whether it is by feigning indifference, apathy, anger, or worse yet, just but shutting off when faced with certain situations. And again as I write this, I think of myself as a hypovrit since though I can analyze it and write about it, I am probably a victim of the same.

To bolster the analogy — each of us adds a new layer to our own personal onion as we grow older. A new shield for every year? I guess I’ll also use the term rigor ante-mortis. Rigor mortis is defined as per Merriam Webster as a temporary rigidity of muscles occurring after death (okay, I have to ask — what is so temporary about it??). I coined the term rigor ante-mortis to mean the rigidity of character that develops before death — as we age and mature, we become more and more rigid in our views and opinions. The naivety atrophies and it replaces by a cynicism and a skepticism — and a new layer of the onion takes form.

Words are at best a poor means of communication and the layers of the onion just make is harder to know (as one of my mentors who I respect a lot says) the real reason. Our words, and actions may send one message, when internally the motivation for those may be very different. And the words and our actions may not reflect that what we would have really done if we weren’t responding to the layers of the onion forcing us to protect our selves from harm. Protect our ego, protect our image and protect the perception of who we are for the outside world.