Doggie Dictionary
Author: Fido Dalmatian, Professor of Doglish, Dog University
LEASH: A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling
you to lead your person where you want him/her to go.
DOG BED: any soft, clean surface, such as the white
bedspread in the guest room or the newly upholstered
couch in the living room.
DROOL: Is what you do when your persons have food and
you don’t. To do this properly you must sit as close as you
can and look sad and let the drool fall to the floor, or
better yet, on their laps.
SNIFF: A social custom to use when you greet other dogs.
Place your nose as close as you can to the other dog’s rear
end and inhale deeply, repeat several times, or until your
person makes you stop.
GARBAGE CAN: A container which your neighbors put
out once a week to test your ingenuity. You must stand on
your hind legs and try to push the lid off with your nose. If
you do it right you are rewarded with margarine wrappers
to shred, beef bones to consume and moldy crusts of
bread.
BICYCLES: Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for
dogs to control body fat. To get maximum aerobic benefit,
you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly
and run alongside for a few yards; the person then
swerves and falls into the bushes, and you prance away.
DEAFNESS: This is a malady which affects dogs when
their person want them in and they want to stay out.
Symptoms include staring blankly at the person, then
running in the opposite direction, or lying down.
THUNDER: This is a signal that the world is coming to
an end. Humans remain amazingly calm during
thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn them of the
danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, rolling your
eyes wildly, and following at their heels.
WASTEBASKET: This is a dog toy filled with paper,
envelopes, and old candy wrapper. When you get bored,
turn over the basket and strew the papers all over the
house until your person comes home
SOFAS: Are to dogs like napkins are to people. After
eating it is polite to run up and down the front of the sofa
and wipe your whiskers clean.
BATH: This is a process by which the humans drench the
floor, walls and themselves. You can help by shaking
vigorously and frequently.
LEAN: Every good dogs’s response to the command “sit !”,
especially if your person is dressed for an evening out.
Incredibly effective before black-tie events.
BUMP: The best way to get your human’s attention when
they are drinking a fresh cup of coffee or tea.
GOOSE BUMP: A maneuver to use as a last resort when
the Regular Bump doesn’t get the attention you
require…..especially effective when combined with The
Sniff. See above.
LOVE: Is a feeling of intense affection, given freely and
without restriction. The best way you can show your love
is to wag your tail. If you’re lucky, a human will love you
in return.
:Sent to me by my mom 🙂
